Archive for September, 2010

OK, you’re right, if you do all your other conversations well, you might not need to confront anyone, at least in an ideal world. So why do I say confrontation is the 1st conversation you want to have? Well, if the objective of a fierce conversation is to enrich rather than diminish ours relationship, its important that the conversation continue AFTER we speak our truth.

In other words, we want to repair the relationship by extending a bridge to the other person. The 60 second opener, which is part of the Confrontation Conversation Model, asks that we give careful thought to what we want as a result of the conversation first before to opening our mouths in order to stay focused on being a human being in relationship with another human being.

I find it doesn’t matter what I choose to confront a person about. (How could I fit ALL their errors into 60 minutes let along 60 seconds?) What happens after I open my mouth to extend the bridge is what matters. Organizing the 60 second opener helps me to be a more sympathetic listener. I’m less all tied up in knots silently keeping watch for their next error. And what a relief it is to synthesize my concerns, and get clear about the implications of not having the conversation! Putting it all together is probably the bigger issue for me. The BONUS? The problem often gets resolved. Even IF it doesn’t get resolved, I have the energy to take another stab at it because I’m less stressed. In this way I avoid missing a conversation crucial to our success.

How many times has a missing conversation wreaked havoc in your business or personal life? If you don’t already have a tool that works to address those uncomfortable situations where you need to point out an error or problem to someone, find one! You cannot afford to NOT have the conversation!

Now I only need to practice the part where I receive what THEY say in response to me without taking it personally or being judgmental!

Cheryl R Good
Certified Fierce Conversations Facilitator

What’s so hard about being Fierce?

Well we aren’t talking about ripping out each other’s throats. We’re talking about an inner strength such as is needed for fierce loyalty. Fierceness is required to speak our truth while asking questions, engaging in a tough topic to learn about another’s perspective, and being authentically ourselves all while enriching the relationship.

Last month I listened to a First Nations elder speak at a wedding. He expressed the need for relationships to be built upon communications that are both honest and respectful. Do we have relationships where we are not as honest, just to come across as nice? Have we ever been so honest and upfront that it hurts the individual? Where maybe we forgot to approach the conversation with respect? He encouraged the attendees to work at balancing these two key components for successful conversations.

If we aren’t being honest and respectful in our personal relationships, won’t it be that much harder to be honest and respectful in our professional relationships? Many times I have seen a supervisor turn off their human side, their heart, their feelings, as they gear up to deliver a disciplinary action. As leaders, it’s part of our job to point out when someone is on a non-productive path. If we can remember to have the conversation early on – before we are sure of the employee’s intentions – it becomes a gift to the employee showing we care about their future being successful. And that fulfills another part of our job, to coach our employees to be the best they can be.

Enriching relationships is one of the 4 objectives of a fierce conversation. So, while we may be honestly pointing out our truth in a situation, we need to do it in a way that enriches and builds our relationship with that individual.

Cheryl R Good
Certified Fierce Conversations Facilitator